so im sitting here bawling my eyes out listening to iPod and coldplay comes on with scientist. this song has always been a song from God to me even when i was out drinking and well just not respecting myself or God.
it hits me, for some reason God loves me. i will never know why but no matter who doesnt love me, whoever doesnt want me...He does EVERY DAY, EVERY SECOND. He set me apart. i cry out asking God why cant there be a guy out there that falls in love with everything about me like always hear not JUST in movies but in real life and witness!...WHY?? I DO...thats what God is crying back to me; that He does, more than anything i could possibly covet or love with a pure heart. GOD MADE ME. HE TOOK HIS TIME ON ME. and is taking his time with me now. i have a love. its God and Jesus. they sacrificed an easy life for a hard one. the least i can do is ALWAYS try, serve, and follow with a sincere humble heart.
it's true, when i was younger no one told me how bad life could suck; how heartless people can be; how scarred people are; how deeply affected people can be from bad habits passed on from centuries ago. all i saw and heard was disney stories. of course who wants to tell a small child about "people who do bad things"...it would create a heart full of fear and judgment; later holding he or she back from great experiences because of this subconscious alert that went off in their mind to "avoid, object(s) could hurt you".
this blog wasnt anything like i had planned it to be, but thats how life is...my nerves are more calm, my spirit still feels tangled in a spider web, but not forever trapped. i just need to need to let God in, make God my priority again. just go back to start.
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