i'm really struggling. everything is actually going really well. God has blessed me. i don't know why..He did all He has for me since i moved here just for me to carry on the way i have been. there's a serious inner spiritual battle goin on with me and for the most part...i'm losing to self. there is no reason for it...i disappointed and hurt God...i still am. if only everyone knew what i have been thinking and how i have been acting.
it's so hard for me to focus on what was becoming like second nature to me. i know what God has planned for me is amazing and im only prolonging it. i think i have already missed out on somethings b/c of my selfishness and that scares me. i want to be used by God. i dont want to miss out on what he has in store for others.
i'm really emotional right now. i hate crying all the time...thats the crap i use to do before. i have been for like 2 weeks. i wish God had blessed me with the ability to write. not even poetry, but just to be able to express my feelings. i know..how hard is that its your thoughts just jot em down, right? i cant for some reason. when i go back and read what i have i just sit there and get more frustrated. my 4 yr old niece can express herself better then me.
i guess ill just continue cheating with other artists' work...their lyrics...their talent.
this song pretty much describes how i feel right now.
trouble, coldplay
oh no, I see,
a spider web is tangled up with me,
and i lost my head,
the thought of all the stupid things i'd said.
oh no, what's this?
a spider web, and i'm caught in the middle,
so i turn to run,
the thought of all the stupid things i've done,
and i never meant to cause you trouble,
i never meant to do you wrong,
and i, well if i ever caused you trouble,
and oh no, i never meant to do you harm.
oh no, i see,
a spider web and it's me in the middle,
so i twist and turn,
here i in my little bubble,
singing that i never meant to cause you trouble,
and, i never meant to do you wrong,
and i, well if i ever caused you trouble,
oh no, i never meant to do you harm.
they spun a web for me,
they spun a web for me,
they spun a web for me.
