my.life. week.one

the last two weeks i have lost sight and well more so the spark i had once i got settled here....sad how fast that happens huh?

i moved here in nov/dec and im already fading away...well as of tonight i got another jump start. it seriously blows me away how selfish i can be and how unaapriciative of God i can be. look at all He has done so far...how many nights He has been my comfort in a time of sincere brokeness yet i still have the thoughts i did last week...it always brings me back to my knees in humility but brings such a burn and desire to be better for Him. i have been playing with the idea of attending Bethel in the fall. now to an outsider looking in with no faith...its pretty much ridiculous to even consider this, given my past and current financial standing; however, my intentions to do this very thing is for the sole purpose of being closer to GOD; to really dig into His word and find a better calling as his servent! AWWWWWWK im getting all pumped up again! i wanna go take laps around the apartment complex hahah.

so the light that startedme back up again...right!! tonight at church was the launch of our new series aka the MY LIFE series. tis the first week of five and im already on fire and ready to dive into soooooo much. it didnt confirm a "set-in-stone" answer to my bethel thought, BUT it hasnt shut any doors that would cease the journey in exploring that possiblity.

MAN ! I AM SOO THANKFUL for MARK BEESON and his wife. their vision and integrity!! man o man...and i get to be apart of it. i wanna be apart of it. i want to put all my energy into MC3 and kids who really need to know " HEY YOU MATTER...NOT JUST TO ME BUT GOD!" can you imagine hearing that for the first time? how much impact that could have on a young childs heart?...how much God could use them once they know the REAL DEAL with GOD?!?!?! and how AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL His unconditonal love is???...

yeah while you are in awe of that possibility...i have more thoughts!

i cant wait to see what the next few years have in store for GOD and myself!!! and WHOEVER ELSE HE WANTS IN IT! im sooo thankful HE reignited (i do believe thats a word but its sooo late OH WELL I DONT CARE) my spark ...ITS NOT EVEN A SPARK its like a HUUUUGE BONFIRE you can see from miles away at least i hope so! thats what i want to happen. i want to be a GINORMOUS LIGHT that shines soo bright people see it right away but dont SEE ME they see GOD'S LOVE!!! MAN i have never expressed these feelings before...it's sooo flippin' exciting!!! I LOVE GOD AND HIS LOVELY SON!!!

GOD, thank you so much for much your never ending love and your amazing grace that i experience everyday! you are becoming the love of life and i pray you continue to give me that strength and desire to pursue you and YOUR will not mine! you are so wonderful. thank you for wht you are doing in Debbies life thank you for being with her; for loving her NO MATTER WHAT! you are all powerful andd i am NOTHING with out you! I LOVE YOU and YOUR SON. YOU have both LOVED ME THOUGH I HAVE HURT YOU!!!! AND IT JUST BLOWS ME AWAY!!! I KNOW YOUR LOVE WILL NEVER CHANGE!!!

I LOVE YOU OH SO MUCH !!!!