i'm just going to chalk this week up as sarah is very emotional! last night got to me a little, i think everyone should have times like that when they just break down. well anyway, i woke up this morning to the smell of cinnamon rolls! my roommate made them for me. so ate three (fat kid i know haha) with an amazing glass of milk YUUUUUUM and then i sat down to check myspace, facebook and read what i blogged last night.
anyway long story short...i found this artist almost as soon as i got online. his name is jason reeves. i would say he is on my top 5 right now. i saw a song called photographs and memories...its really good and it relates to some of the thoughts and feelings i had last night.
whenever i hear a good song it's because the lyrics captured my heart, then because the artist delivered the lyrics well and then the beat is good you know so on and so on. so anyway...i like to share lyrics so here are the lyrics and a link to his myspace page. check him out:-)
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=14211432
Photographs and Memories by Jason Reeves
i keep your picture by my bed for when im feeling sad
and i dont know why i would be.
the way your smile looks so real
i feel like i could start to understand your grace.
and i dont understand why you're
not here with me.
and i dont even wanna know where else
you'd be.
cause i have photographs and memories of the times
when you weren't on my mind and i was alone.
and i have poetry and drawings of my life
when you weren't on my side and i didn't know
just what is love...
writing moments on the wall with different colors
keeps my mind away from missing you.
and i can't wait to fall asleep to slip into my dreams
where we can dance upon a star..
and i will be as patient as a boy in love could ever be.
cause i don't feel like i was real until you were
a part of me.
cause i have photographs and memories of the times
when you weren't on my mind and i was alone.
and i have poetry and drawings of my life
when you weren't on my side and i didn't know
just what is love...
i need you back, i need you back
i need you here.
i need your smile, i need your eyes
i need you dear.
cause every line on your face makes a beautiful maze
for my eyes to trace...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
i hate when movies do this...
sometimes you can’t explain or express how broken you are. life is full of so much. i’m only 21 but often i feel like i’ve lived 930472984 years plus. i’m sitting here racking my brain attemping to remember things. it’s so hard. i try for like 5 minutes, some nights i only make it 45 seconds because it always ends the same- feeling frustrated, sad, hurt, confused, an ocassional laugh, a smile here and there and then this void, this empty "thing" in my gut...
even at the age 61, my mom doesn’t know everything. how can you experience life that long and not know? we forget so easily things we see everyday or learn, or even felt. i know there are things that took place in my life i didn’t even know happened or didnt see...i.e. when my dad first held me, when i made my mom really proud, my parents being in love, when i made my brothers laugh really hard...when my family was a family together.
how about recess? snack time? birthday parties...you know i never had a brithday party when i was a young buck. i went to plenty though, from chuck e cheese to discovery zone to rollerbladding hah. what about the times you met a stranger? how random and ironic it was you just happen to meet them. or meeting that one person that one time and just by looking at them you get this...this spine tingling, goose bump experience that tells you there is something so different, so intreging, wholesome...
i wish we had this part in our brains with a tv and a vcr- not a dvd player, but an old school vcr- where you can just fastforward and rewind, replay, replay replay!!! EVERY MOMENT! can you imagine? every little thing.
Things We Lost in the Fire. my roommate rented it tonight, had no clue how much it related to me. yesterday, someone mentioned a movie to me i would have sworn on my life was my ultimate favoriest movie EVER, yet i had forgotten about it until he mentioned it - Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind. it ties back to my whole memory thing...except the thing is the characters in this movie DON’T want to remeber. they actually want to forget. i remember when i felt like that. it’s because some of the memories just hurt too much. but then years, months, heck sometimes even hours pass, and then bam...i find myself saying i would GIVE, DO anything- ANYTHING- just to have that back...to be in that one place again, experience a passion i use to have, to see that one person again, to hold, to feel that person, have a conversation, hear their voice! laugh with them....
i hate when movies do this. it’s as if i have been turned upside down with all the blood rushing to my head, feeling as if its about to explode with emotion--
so much emotion.
i hate it because it makes me stop running. i may get mad and show emotion and say things giving one the impression that i’m "putting it all out there" or being too emotional...haha even annoying. the thing is...i’m not TRULY telling you how i feel, what’s really going on. i run from the truth. actually, i run so much i start running in these circles and end up running back into the truth. so i confront it. i face it. i can only deal with it for a little while though...i freak out, the minute i feel overwhelmed and start running again. i need to stop running. so i guess...
secretly, i love it when movies do this...;-)
"Except the good." - Things We Lost in the Fire.
even at the age 61, my mom doesn’t know everything. how can you experience life that long and not know? we forget so easily things we see everyday or learn, or even felt. i know there are things that took place in my life i didn’t even know happened or didnt see...i.e. when my dad first held me, when i made my mom really proud, my parents being in love, when i made my brothers laugh really hard...when my family was a family together.
how about recess? snack time? birthday parties...you know i never had a brithday party when i was a young buck. i went to plenty though, from chuck e cheese to discovery zone to rollerbladding hah. what about the times you met a stranger? how random and ironic it was you just happen to meet them. or meeting that one person that one time and just by looking at them you get this...this spine tingling, goose bump experience that tells you there is something so different, so intreging, wholesome...
i wish we had this part in our brains with a tv and a vcr- not a dvd player, but an old school vcr- where you can just fastforward and rewind, replay, replay replay!!! EVERY MOMENT! can you imagine? every little thing.
Things We Lost in the Fire. my roommate rented it tonight, had no clue how much it related to me. yesterday, someone mentioned a movie to me i would have sworn on my life was my ultimate favoriest movie EVER, yet i had forgotten about it until he mentioned it - Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind. it ties back to my whole memory thing...except the thing is the characters in this movie DON’T want to remeber. they actually want to forget. i remember when i felt like that. it’s because some of the memories just hurt too much. but then years, months, heck sometimes even hours pass, and then bam...i find myself saying i would GIVE, DO anything- ANYTHING- just to have that back...to be in that one place again, experience a passion i use to have, to see that one person again, to hold, to feel that person, have a conversation, hear their voice! laugh with them....
i hate when movies do this. it’s as if i have been turned upside down with all the blood rushing to my head, feeling as if its about to explode with emotion--
so much emotion.
i hate it because it makes me stop running. i may get mad and show emotion and say things giving one the impression that i’m "putting it all out there" or being too emotional...haha even annoying. the thing is...i’m not TRULY telling you how i feel, what’s really going on. i run from the truth. actually, i run so much i start running in these circles and end up running back into the truth. so i confront it. i face it. i can only deal with it for a little while though...i freak out, the minute i feel overwhelmed and start running again. i need to stop running. so i guess...
secretly, i love it when movies do this...;-)
"Except the good." - Things We Lost in the Fire.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y
yes yes i know! im blogging! its only been 3 and a half months...only ;-) BUT im doing it now.
i had to take a step back from Lifeline and Oasis for a little bit in January...still not for sure when im coming back, but I AM COMING BACK! i did get the chance to stop in two weeks ago. i missed the kids, the volunteer leaders, and the staff! so i decided to go. it was a great decision. that night ted bryant was speeaking. im sure i wasnt the only one but i do know his message was PERFECT for me. he talekd about our idividual identity - ya know, who we are, why we are what we are...what we are. anyway, i thought it absolutely necessary to share (if i have any readers) or at least just put on my blog for future reflection purposes. OKAY HERE IT GOES!!
there is this GYNORMOUS, VISCIOUS cycle in life that many of us can categorize ourselves apart of (i'm in it). it starts out as a sort of self evaluation in how we go about living. in this case the result is "i'm not good enough". so to fix that we try to be someone else...or something else that we see working, thinking "HEY! maybe i can do/ be that and it'll work for me". well what we dont realize is that by choosing that, it, in a weird way, "allows" us to miss out on what God already had planned for us because we aren't trying to pursue WHO HE MADE US TO BE. taking this road nNEVER works out, therefore it leaves us feeling useless, worthless, unsuccessful- right back to the beginning of "IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH".
do you see the cycle?!?!?!? really!??! do understand that those four main thoughts can lead to INSANITY?!?! i do because i truly think im there!
Ted went on to say that there are basically two ways to divide things into :
1. NOT GOD
2. GOD
1.NOT GOD: need to be prettier, skinnier, smarter, faster stronger- bascially BETTER!
2.GOD: accepted as you are.
so then we ask: who do you trust?
who are you?
WHAT SHOULD YOU BE?
with GOD asking "what should you be?" is the WRONG question to be asking!
with #1 NOT GOD the asnwer you'll get back is simply everyone else OWN opinion getting NO HELP.
the RIGHT question to ask with GOD is "WHAT AM I?!?!?!?!" why wouldnt you ask the One who created you? The answer will be THE TRUTH. isnt that what you want!??! HONESTY?! then you'll get help- solutions to the insanity!
now keep in mind, this is not ted's word for word sermon, but i think i did a pretty good job translating it. anyway after hearing this i jotted down a few personal thoughts i had.
the whole message got to me, but the part about the NOT GOD side leading to others opinions not helping really came at me like a spider monkey (it's from talladega nights). I forgot i WANTED help. when i first moved here- i forgot how badly i wanted to be literally saved from all the crap. just swept up, rescued far far away from all the bad. i would sit in church screaming in my head to God "How do I get it? How do I get thorugh this God because I want out of it!!!" My heart WANTED the change- the DESIRE, I HAD DESIRE for it. I had a NEED for God.
why don't i now? i mean i love God - i do. i believe He is here and that Jesus died on the cross for our sinful ways, but the BURN isn't there. I forgot I was at a point where i KNEW i could NOT do it anymore. i was so hurt i was reaching out for ANYTHING that would help me feel healed and loved and accepted. i guess once i had gotten it, once i decided to REALLY live my life for God, that i had forgotten how MISERABLE things are when you walk away from the help WILLINGLY.
How does that happen...so fast? how do you forget that much pain? then i found myself sitting there in church yelling through a pen and paper at God again. "WHAT'S THE POINT WHEN IT'S ALL SO EASILY FORGOTTEN??? HOW DO YOU KEEP DOING THE RIGHT THING?!?? HOW DO YOU NOT STRAY AWAY?!? HOW DO I DO THIS?
i thought about leaving the blog with that. honestly because i'm still asking, telling, crying...
all is not lost. things could be much worse. in fact, i think because i went to lifeline that night and started taking steps back toward my relationship with God, it's already blessed me. my taxes ended being MUCH larger than i had anticipated ( like $400 more) my friendships are getting renewed and mended, i JUST officially had two job offers that i took (one full time, one part time) and i'm feeling a little better about my "guy situation" (which honestly i think is a miracle in itself)
i think i'll go back to lifeline this sunday.
Psalm 51:17
"...heart shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice."
i had to take a step back from Lifeline and Oasis for a little bit in January...still not for sure when im coming back, but I AM COMING BACK! i did get the chance to stop in two weeks ago. i missed the kids, the volunteer leaders, and the staff! so i decided to go. it was a great decision. that night ted bryant was speeaking. im sure i wasnt the only one but i do know his message was PERFECT for me. he talekd about our idividual identity - ya know, who we are, why we are what we are...what we are. anyway, i thought it absolutely necessary to share (if i have any readers) or at least just put on my blog for future reflection purposes. OKAY HERE IT GOES!!
there is this GYNORMOUS, VISCIOUS cycle in life that many of us can categorize ourselves apart of (i'm in it). it starts out as a sort of self evaluation in how we go about living. in this case the result is "i'm not good enough". so to fix that we try to be someone else...or something else that we see working, thinking "HEY! maybe i can do/ be that and it'll work for me". well what we dont realize is that by choosing that, it, in a weird way, "allows" us to miss out on what God already had planned for us because we aren't trying to pursue WHO HE MADE US TO BE. taking this road nNEVER works out, therefore it leaves us feeling useless, worthless, unsuccessful- right back to the beginning of "IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH".
do you see the cycle?!?!?!? really!??! do understand that those four main thoughts can lead to INSANITY?!?! i do because i truly think im there!
Ted went on to say that there are basically two ways to divide things into :
1. NOT GOD
2. GOD
1.NOT GOD: need to be prettier, skinnier, smarter, faster stronger- bascially BETTER!
2.GOD: accepted as you are.
so then we ask: who do you trust?
who are you?
WHAT SHOULD YOU BE?
with GOD asking "what should you be?" is the WRONG question to be asking!
with #1 NOT GOD the asnwer you'll get back is simply everyone else OWN opinion getting NO HELP.
the RIGHT question to ask with GOD is "WHAT AM I?!?!?!?!" why wouldnt you ask the One who created you? The answer will be THE TRUTH. isnt that what you want!??! HONESTY?! then you'll get help- solutions to the insanity!
now keep in mind, this is not ted's word for word sermon, but i think i did a pretty good job translating it. anyway after hearing this i jotted down a few personal thoughts i had.
the whole message got to me, but the part about the NOT GOD side leading to others opinions not helping really came at me like a spider monkey (it's from talladega nights). I forgot i WANTED help. when i first moved here- i forgot how badly i wanted to be literally saved from all the crap. just swept up, rescued far far away from all the bad. i would sit in church screaming in my head to God "How do I get it? How do I get thorugh this God because I want out of it!!!" My heart WANTED the change- the DESIRE, I HAD DESIRE for it. I had a NEED for God.
why don't i now? i mean i love God - i do. i believe He is here and that Jesus died on the cross for our sinful ways, but the BURN isn't there. I forgot I was at a point where i KNEW i could NOT do it anymore. i was so hurt i was reaching out for ANYTHING that would help me feel healed and loved and accepted. i guess once i had gotten it, once i decided to REALLY live my life for God, that i had forgotten how MISERABLE things are when you walk away from the help WILLINGLY.
How does that happen...so fast? how do you forget that much pain? then i found myself sitting there in church yelling through a pen and paper at God again. "WHAT'S THE POINT WHEN IT'S ALL SO EASILY FORGOTTEN??? HOW DO YOU KEEP DOING THE RIGHT THING?!?? HOW DO YOU NOT STRAY AWAY?!? HOW DO I DO THIS?
i thought about leaving the blog with that. honestly because i'm still asking, telling, crying...
all is not lost. things could be much worse. in fact, i think because i went to lifeline that night and started taking steps back toward my relationship with God, it's already blessed me. my taxes ended being MUCH larger than i had anticipated ( like $400 more) my friendships are getting renewed and mended, i JUST officially had two job offers that i took (one full time, one part time) and i'm feeling a little better about my "guy situation" (which honestly i think is a miracle in itself)
i think i'll go back to lifeline this sunday.
Psalm 51:17
"...heart shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice."
Thursday, December 13, 2007
battle.
oh this is too much. this is big. too big for me. i'm losing so much so fast. i had everything. the knowledge, support, love, acceptance...but the really cool part was i was finally getting it.
money, social acceptance, guys... i can't believe they have had me bound for so long. i feel like im in prison, but centuries ago. i'm in chains half- clothed, cold, hungry for anything, and beaten, almost to death. i wonder if i stay in bed maybe i can escape another beating. stepping outside of me, my situation could be worse, it always can be worse, its just getting myself out of the mind set that i can't endure anymore of it.
even typing it hits me as utter foolishness to think this is something i'll defeat in the end. i'm seeing i'm incredibly reliable and consistent in being INconsistent.
we're doing this series in oasis and lifeline called SHIVERNAKERVOMITJAILSTARVE. this series is literally throwing me into a brickwall. i'm hurtin'- man am i feeling it.
i'm not seeing tomorrow as a new day. tomorrow is just another day to make more mistakes, to hear of more injustice...an opportunity to sin. how promising does tomorrow sound? look? feel?
this is even too big for God...satan has been whispering that to me nonstop. go ahead, judge me for even playing with that very though but just think- there has been a time where you all have gone through crap and didnt give it to Him....isnt that like saying God cant handle it? what bout the times you have thought this isnt that big of a deal i can handle it. OH REALLY? haha okay....sure. lemme know how that worked out for you.
i'm on edge with everything. i'm not patient with anyone right now. i'm purposely setting myself aside from people that could possibly help me. when i'm not doing that, i'm swimming in my bitterness convincing myself how i will never befriend the "holier than thou" crowd and how much i can't stand to be under the same roof as them. before all this, i didnt even think of anyone as portraying to me that they were better christians than me....so what's so different now? i can tell you it's not them.
IT'S ME. i have changed.
i know this battle is no where near to its end. there is always more to come. i just dont know how to fight anymore. not right now. i dont know how to get up from the wounds. obviously they havent killed me, but its almost as if i dont want to get up because i feel like if i get up there will only be more...more that i can't handle.
there is this song by colbie caillat called battle. this mught sound weird but its like a song to myself and maybe what God thinks sometimes maybe...i dont know about the God part but i do know its something i would tell myself right now.
cue the lyrics:
you thought we'd be fine
all these years gone by
now your askin me to listen
well then tell me bout everything
no lies we're loosin time
cause this is a battle
and its your final last call
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know
but why arent you sorry, why arent you sorry, why?
this can be better, you used to be happy, try...
you've got them on your side
and they wont change their minds
now its over
and i'm feelin like i've missed out on everything
i just hope its worth the fight
cause this is a battle
and its your final last call - why'd you have to let it go?
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know - can't you see you hurt me so?
but why arent you sorry, why arent you sorry, why?
things could be better, you can be happy, try...
i can't wrap around my simple human brain how much i'm hurting God. when it comes down to it...that's the WHY. why i'm not happy, miserable, failing- its because i can't be good for one day. i disappoint God every hour....on the other hand, the battle wouldn't be there if i wasn't trying though, right? is it safe to say that? wise to say that? there is a battle BECAUSE i actually do really love this God and i WANT, my heart DESIRE is to please Him and live for Him...to do what's right.
but if that's the reason and that's my heart...why am i losing the battle?
money, social acceptance, guys... i can't believe they have had me bound for so long. i feel like im in prison, but centuries ago. i'm in chains half- clothed, cold, hungry for anything, and beaten, almost to death. i wonder if i stay in bed maybe i can escape another beating. stepping outside of me, my situation could be worse, it always can be worse, its just getting myself out of the mind set that i can't endure anymore of it.
even typing it hits me as utter foolishness to think this is something i'll defeat in the end. i'm seeing i'm incredibly reliable and consistent in being INconsistent.
we're doing this series in oasis and lifeline called SHIVERNAKERVOMITJAILSTARVE. this series is literally throwing me into a brickwall. i'm hurtin'- man am i feeling it.
i'm not seeing tomorrow as a new day. tomorrow is just another day to make more mistakes, to hear of more injustice...an opportunity to sin. how promising does tomorrow sound? look? feel?
this is even too big for God...satan has been whispering that to me nonstop. go ahead, judge me for even playing with that very though but just think- there has been a time where you all have gone through crap and didnt give it to Him....isnt that like saying God cant handle it? what bout the times you have thought this isnt that big of a deal i can handle it. OH REALLY? haha okay....sure. lemme know how that worked out for you.
i'm on edge with everything. i'm not patient with anyone right now. i'm purposely setting myself aside from people that could possibly help me. when i'm not doing that, i'm swimming in my bitterness convincing myself how i will never befriend the "holier than thou" crowd and how much i can't stand to be under the same roof as them. before all this, i didnt even think of anyone as portraying to me that they were better christians than me....so what's so different now? i can tell you it's not them.
IT'S ME. i have changed.
i know this battle is no where near to its end. there is always more to come. i just dont know how to fight anymore. not right now. i dont know how to get up from the wounds. obviously they havent killed me, but its almost as if i dont want to get up because i feel like if i get up there will only be more...more that i can't handle.
there is this song by colbie caillat called battle. this mught sound weird but its like a song to myself and maybe what God thinks sometimes maybe...i dont know about the God part but i do know its something i would tell myself right now.
cue the lyrics:
you thought we'd be fine
all these years gone by
now your askin me to listen
well then tell me bout everything
no lies we're loosin time
cause this is a battle
and its your final last call
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know
but why arent you sorry, why arent you sorry, why?
this can be better, you used to be happy, try...
you've got them on your side
and they wont change their minds
now its over
and i'm feelin like i've missed out on everything
i just hope its worth the fight
cause this is a battle
and its your final last call - why'd you have to let it go?
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know - can't you see you hurt me so?
but why arent you sorry, why arent you sorry, why?
things could be better, you can be happy, try...
i can't wrap around my simple human brain how much i'm hurting God. when it comes down to it...that's the WHY. why i'm not happy, miserable, failing- its because i can't be good for one day. i disappoint God every hour....on the other hand, the battle wouldn't be there if i wasn't trying though, right? is it safe to say that? wise to say that? there is a battle BECAUSE i actually do really love this God and i WANT, my heart DESIRE is to please Him and live for Him...to do what's right.
but if that's the reason and that's my heart...why am i losing the battle?
Thursday, November 29, 2007
I.M.A.G.E
DC spoke this week about IMAGE for our BAD BOYS series. here are some words he said that stuck out to me.
Isaiah 47:10
I am and there is none besides me.
i m a g e b u i l d i n g
an attempt to make impressions that we are bigger than we are.
*you start lying to yourself so much, you believe it....reality needs to hit you
idealist v realist and fiction v fact
*you can do all the "right things" and still be WRONG.
why would we build an image? what is it about wanting an image?
.....I N S E C U R I T Y.
.....A C C E P T A N C E - wanting it so much it consumes you; mind, actions, words.
*dont confuse EXCELLING with SELF-SELLING
GOD LOOKS AT YOUR HEART
make sure you arent being a hypocrit.
*JESUS NEVER REJECTED US.
Isaiah 47:10
I am and there is none besides me.
i m a g e b u i l d i n g
an attempt to make impressions that we are bigger than we are.
*you start lying to yourself so much, you believe it....reality needs to hit you
idealist v realist and fiction v fact
*you can do all the "right things" and still be WRONG.
why would we build an image? what is it about wanting an image?
.....I N S E C U R I T Y.
.....A C C E P T A N C E - wanting it so much it consumes you; mind, actions, words.
*dont confuse EXCELLING with SELF-SELLING
GOD LOOKS AT YOUR HEART
make sure you arent being a hypocrit.
*JESUS NEVER REJECTED US.
time in the desert.....is something burning?
MOSES. never gave him a second thought, just like many other bible characters i have heard stories about, sadly. a man who directly heard the voice of GOD and had a conversation about what GOD wanted him to do.
this guy has one relative story though. its kinda like a tree ring with him...and us.
tree rings-- what if the rings on trees that reveal the age were like events or stories that revealed us. if we cut ourselves down like a tree, right down the middle, how many rings do you think we would see? what do you think they would each reveal?
ya know when you hold a ball down under water for as long as you can then it pops up...sometimes life does that too often life does that.
-- exodus 2:11-15
-basically moses had seen one of the slaves being beaten and treated unfairly and he rose up with anger then killing the egyptian gaurd who was being unjust to the slave. the next day moses went back to find two Hebrew men fighting. he spoke to the man who started it: "why are you hitting your neighbor. the man shot back: "Who do you think you are, telling us what to do? Are you going to kill me the way you killed that Egyptian?" naturally moses freaked thinking word got out that he MURDERED a man so he ran.
sounds like me.,..messed so bad it was almost irreversable so instead if facing it, RUN.
which goes back with the whole ball under water thing- tryna hide it hold it in and then BAM its pops up in your face and everyone sees it.
then we get to the part of his life where he spent some time in the desert- YUCK right?....we all have been there before and hate it, but so many times we miss seeing it as the opportunity. time in the desert allows you to HEAR GOD. hmmm yeah hearing GOD...LISTENING. a lot more can happen: maturity - it broadens, deepens yourself.
oh but then there is the I HAVE BEEN IN THE DESERT FOR TOO LONG YOU DONT KNOW HOW LONG IVE BEEN HERE! i was positive or i tried hearing God. MOSES WAS 80 when he heard from GOD. E I G H T Y! in exodus 3 GOD appears to moses in a BURNING BUSH. the CREATOR talking to the creatED.
so finally he hears from God 80 years later...he hears WORD FOR WORD STEP 1 -293727 what ever of EXACTLY WHAT GOD WANTS and this dude comes back at God with excuse after excuse after excuse. they are all the same exact excuses and questions we come back at GOD with.
5 EXCUSES:
1. WHO AM I ?
2. WHO ARE YOU?
3. WHAT IF THEY DON'T LISTEN?
4. I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
5. SURELY THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE? - FIND SOMEONE ELSE!
GOD'S RESPONSE
1. I WILL BE WITH YOU!
2. I AM THE GREAT I AM I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD!
3. I HAVE PROVISION YOU KNOW NOT OF!
4. I MADE YOU. I MADE ALL CREATION. I HAVE CALLED YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU CAPABLE!
5. I WILL NEVER ALLOW YOU TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING YOU CAN NOT HANDLE!
**MAYBE our bush has ben burning all along BUT you've been too busy to see or know it**
THINGS that COULD HAPPEN if we made NO EXCUSES and JUST WENT!
- emotional investment/attachment to the work you are called to do.
- GOD AFFIRMS you through OTHERS
- GOD GIVES you MENTORS thoughout the entire journey that will build you up, ENCOURAGING you.
- GOD BUILDS on your STRENGTHS, EXPERIENCES, and BACKGROUND.
- GOD instills a VALUE of HARDWORK in YOU!
- GOD PROVIDES an army for you (friends, family)
STILL COMING UP WITH EXCUSES? HEAR THIS:
the Old Testament is filled with people who made mistakes - CRAZY, SIMILAR, SHAMEFUL PASTS - and GOD USED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. THE MADE A DIFFERENCE FOR GOD DESPITE THEIR CHOICES BECAUSE GOD WANTED THEM!
-- eve, rahab, david, peter, jacob, thomas, jospeh, matthew, noah, leah, and LAZARUZ WHO WAS DEAD AND GOD STILL USED HIM.
G O D C A N U S E U S !
* NOW slow down, put ALL the excuses aside and l . i . s . t . e . n
when was the last time you looked in the mirror and said SHHHHHHH!
this guy has one relative story though. its kinda like a tree ring with him...and us.
tree rings-- what if the rings on trees that reveal the age were like events or stories that revealed us. if we cut ourselves down like a tree, right down the middle, how many rings do you think we would see? what do you think they would each reveal?
ya know when you hold a ball down under water for as long as you can then it pops up...sometimes life does that too often life does that.
-- exodus 2:11-15
-basically moses had seen one of the slaves being beaten and treated unfairly and he rose up with anger then killing the egyptian gaurd who was being unjust to the slave. the next day moses went back to find two Hebrew men fighting. he spoke to the man who started it: "why are you hitting your neighbor. the man shot back: "Who do you think you are, telling us what to do? Are you going to kill me the way you killed that Egyptian?" naturally moses freaked thinking word got out that he MURDERED a man so he ran.
sounds like me.,..messed so bad it was almost irreversable so instead if facing it, RUN.
which goes back with the whole ball under water thing- tryna hide it hold it in and then BAM its pops up in your face and everyone sees it.
then we get to the part of his life where he spent some time in the desert- YUCK right?....we all have been there before and hate it, but so many times we miss seeing it as the opportunity. time in the desert allows you to HEAR GOD. hmmm yeah hearing GOD...LISTENING. a lot more can happen: maturity - it broadens, deepens yourself.
oh but then there is the I HAVE BEEN IN THE DESERT FOR TOO LONG YOU DONT KNOW HOW LONG IVE BEEN HERE! i was positive or i tried hearing God. MOSES WAS 80 when he heard from GOD. E I G H T Y! in exodus 3 GOD appears to moses in a BURNING BUSH. the CREATOR talking to the creatED.
so finally he hears from God 80 years later...he hears WORD FOR WORD STEP 1 -293727 what ever of EXACTLY WHAT GOD WANTS and this dude comes back at God with excuse after excuse after excuse. they are all the same exact excuses and questions we come back at GOD with.
5 EXCUSES:
1. WHO AM I ?
2. WHO ARE YOU?
3. WHAT IF THEY DON'T LISTEN?
4. I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
5. SURELY THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE? - FIND SOMEONE ELSE!
GOD'S RESPONSE
1. I WILL BE WITH YOU!
2. I AM THE GREAT I AM I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD!
3. I HAVE PROVISION YOU KNOW NOT OF!
4. I MADE YOU. I MADE ALL CREATION. I HAVE CALLED YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU CAPABLE!
5. I WILL NEVER ALLOW YOU TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING YOU CAN NOT HANDLE!
**MAYBE our bush has ben burning all along BUT you've been too busy to see or know it**
THINGS that COULD HAPPEN if we made NO EXCUSES and JUST WENT!
- emotional investment/attachment to the work you are called to do.
- GOD AFFIRMS you through OTHERS
- GOD GIVES you MENTORS thoughout the entire journey that will build you up, ENCOURAGING you.
- GOD BUILDS on your STRENGTHS, EXPERIENCES, and BACKGROUND.
- GOD instills a VALUE of HARDWORK in YOU!
- GOD PROVIDES an army for you (friends, family)
STILL COMING UP WITH EXCUSES? HEAR THIS:
the Old Testament is filled with people who made mistakes - CRAZY, SIMILAR, SHAMEFUL PASTS - and GOD USED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. THE MADE A DIFFERENCE FOR GOD DESPITE THEIR CHOICES BECAUSE GOD WANTED THEM!
-- eve, rahab, david, peter, jacob, thomas, jospeh, matthew, noah, leah, and LAZARUZ WHO WAS DEAD AND GOD STILL USED HIM.
G O D C A N U S E U S !
* NOW slow down, put ALL the excuses aside and l . i . s . t . e . n
when was the last time you looked in the mirror and said SHHHHHHH!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
BIG MOMENT = SMALL MOMENTS
When I think about my future, I wonder where I'll be, then I make that my life. My mentality then becomes "When the big moment happens then life can be lived, it can start." As time goes on I only see Im getting older. HAHAHAHAHAH okay so Im 21 but I see how fast life HAS BEEN going and am fully aware its only going to speed up.
Celebration, optimisim and hope is necessary in the chaotic distructive world.
Isaiah 61
1-7 The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me.
He sent me to preach good news to the poor,
heal the heartbroken,
Announce freedom to all captives,
pardon all prisoners.
God sent me to announce the year of his grace—
a celebration of God's destruction of our enemies—
and to comfort all who mourn,
To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,
give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes,
Messages of joy instead of news of doom,
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.
Rename them "Oaks of Righteousness"
planted by God to display his glory.
They'll rebuild the old ruins,
raise a new city out of the wreckage.
They'll start over on the ruined cities,
take the rubble left behind and make it new.
You'll hire outsiders to herd your flocks
and foreigners to work your fields,
But you'll have the title "Priests of God,"
honored as ministers of our God.
You'll feast on the bounty of nations,
you'll bask in their glory.
Because you got a double dose of trouble
and more than your share of contempt,
Your inheritance in the land will be doubled
and your joy go on forever.
8-9"Because I, God, love fair dealing
and hate thievery and crime,
I'll pay your wages on time and in full,
and establish my eternal covenant with you.
Your descendants will become well-known all over.
Your children in foreign countries
Will be recognized at once
as the people I have blessed."
10-11I will sing for joy in God,
explode in praise from deep in my soul!
He dressed me up in a suit of salvation,
he outfitted me in a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom who puts on a tuxedo
and a bride a jeweled tiara.
For as the earth bursts with spring wildflowers,
and as a garden cascades with blossoms,
So the Master, God, brings righteousness into full bloom
and puts praise on display before the nations.
I have been feeling like a prisoner to my anger, bitterness, fear, and insecurities when I'M NOT and God is promising me so much more. When we choose to be a better person for God, we start to see Him when before all we saw was a street, someone crying, or just another stranger.
Sometimes in our life, we get our hearts ABSOLUTELY BROKEN. Initially we want a heart of stone so that we can NEVER feel that kind of pain, NEVER come close to reaching that level of pain EVER again. BUT what I often fail to remember and truly believe from day to day in the midst of my of "my wilderness" is that God restores my soul. THEN He creates in ME a new heart.
When we reach this part in our life there are two pivotal points we come across:
1. we can either let it strip us down to the bone and allow is to be who God intended
2. let it take over our self conrtol and be the reason why we behave poorly
If we choose the first road, God shows us how close He is and much He loves us. HE JUST WANTS OUR HEARTS!!!
** God's kindness burns even through the deepest betrayal.
Another thought: Curses can be blessings. I know you have heard it before, but I can sometimes tmiss the blessing because i get so STUCK in MY curse. Tragedy can become epic. Wrong can become my beautiful right. There is beauty in the wilderness, but I have to be careful not to push it away because I want the dark and familiar, because I want to hold onto the feeling of being victimized.
So here's a question for ya: what is my reason for not being able to grow and move on?.....what would my life look like if I let that reason go? When it comes down to it, whether I feel like I have nothing to hold onto or I'm blessed beyond all measure, I have a bag of gold. It's a gift from God. What am I going to do with it?
God is really asking that I invest in this life of suffering and heartache to receive Him, to NOT wait and miss out.
So about those big moments mentioned earlier....they are really just the everyday small moments such as showing forgiveness abd grace, trusting God, loving others....I MAKE THE BIG MOMENT. That's what I have been missing - I MAKE IT! I shouldnt be waititng for it. The big moment is waiting on me- to move, pull off the masks, abd live it- live life.
think. pray. listen.
This is my life, my gift from the Holy God.
Celebration, optimisim and hope is necessary in the chaotic distructive world.
Isaiah 61
1-7 The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me.
He sent me to preach good news to the poor,
heal the heartbroken,
Announce freedom to all captives,
pardon all prisoners.
God sent me to announce the year of his grace—
a celebration of God's destruction of our enemies—
and to comfort all who mourn,
To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,
give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes,
Messages of joy instead of news of doom,
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.
Rename them "Oaks of Righteousness"
planted by God to display his glory.
They'll rebuild the old ruins,
raise a new city out of the wreckage.
They'll start over on the ruined cities,
take the rubble left behind and make it new.
You'll hire outsiders to herd your flocks
and foreigners to work your fields,
But you'll have the title "Priests of God,"
honored as ministers of our God.
You'll feast on the bounty of nations,
you'll bask in their glory.
Because you got a double dose of trouble
and more than your share of contempt,
Your inheritance in the land will be doubled
and your joy go on forever.
8-9"Because I, God, love fair dealing
and hate thievery and crime,
I'll pay your wages on time and in full,
and establish my eternal covenant with you.
Your descendants will become well-known all over.
Your children in foreign countries
Will be recognized at once
as the people I have blessed."
10-11I will sing for joy in God,
explode in praise from deep in my soul!
He dressed me up in a suit of salvation,
he outfitted me in a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom who puts on a tuxedo
and a bride a jeweled tiara.
For as the earth bursts with spring wildflowers,
and as a garden cascades with blossoms,
So the Master, God, brings righteousness into full bloom
and puts praise on display before the nations.
I have been feeling like a prisoner to my anger, bitterness, fear, and insecurities when I'M NOT and God is promising me so much more. When we choose to be a better person for God, we start to see Him when before all we saw was a street, someone crying, or just another stranger.
Sometimes in our life, we get our hearts ABSOLUTELY BROKEN. Initially we want a heart of stone so that we can NEVER feel that kind of pain, NEVER come close to reaching that level of pain EVER again. BUT what I often fail to remember and truly believe from day to day in the midst of my of "my wilderness" is that God restores my soul. THEN He creates in ME a new heart.
When we reach this part in our life there are two pivotal points we come across:
1. we can either let it strip us down to the bone and allow is to be who God intended
2. let it take over our self conrtol and be the reason why we behave poorly
If we choose the first road, God shows us how close He is and much He loves us. HE JUST WANTS OUR HEARTS!!!
** God's kindness burns even through the deepest betrayal.
Another thought: Curses can be blessings. I know you have heard it before, but I can sometimes tmiss the blessing because i get so STUCK in MY curse. Tragedy can become epic. Wrong can become my beautiful right. There is beauty in the wilderness, but I have to be careful not to push it away because I want the dark and familiar, because I want to hold onto the feeling of being victimized.
So here's a question for ya: what is my reason for not being able to grow and move on?.....what would my life look like if I let that reason go? When it comes down to it, whether I feel like I have nothing to hold onto or I'm blessed beyond all measure, I have a bag of gold. It's a gift from God. What am I going to do with it?
God is really asking that I invest in this life of suffering and heartache to receive Him, to NOT wait and miss out.
So about those big moments mentioned earlier....they are really just the everyday small moments such as showing forgiveness abd grace, trusting God, loving others....I MAKE THE BIG MOMENT. That's what I have been missing - I MAKE IT! I shouldnt be waititng for it. The big moment is waiting on me- to move, pull off the masks, abd live it- live life.
think. pray. listen.
This is my life, my gift from the Holy God.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Happy ONE YEAR Sarah!
i never come up with any great one liners for introductions for these things.
anyway. i have lived her for one full entire year to this date. here comes the cliche and OH SO predictable line...I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S BEEN A YEAR!
but seriously though, i can't wrap my head around all that has happened, all that i've experienced and I WAS THERE FOR ALL OF IT. sometimes i feel like when i tell people about my life its as if im just telling some story. im to the point where the feelings (pain, sadnessm loneliness, fear, anger) i had i dont remember how deep or how intense all of it was. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?!?
man...here i sit at my brothers new house ( their first house - they have been married for ten years and i dont know any other couple that deserves a house -especially as nice as this one) watching these moments flash by- some of them are playing over and over... and over again.
i remember sitting in my saturn inthe parking lot of my dorm at Ball State just drowning in my car due to the amount of tears my body was producing. good lord that day sucked. i didnt even beat around the bush. i came right out and asked Cody if i could come live with them up there.
i really couldnt go on the way i was with school, this one guy (all the guys before him)...just the habits i was developing and the decisions i made had literally dragged me down to my knees. i just didnt want to move on with life if i stayed there. i would have soaked myself up with sex, alcohol, and God only knows what else. i had NO respect for myself- saw no value in me- thought i had absolutely NOTHING to offer and that i would never do well in anything.
some might look at it as running away again, not finishing another thing i started, but the thing is i was running...to God. the only thing that made sense to me in the midst of my chaotic, unruly life was Granger Community Church.
i got plugged into GCC in any way possible. I started with the high school ministry, Lifeline. i had no CLUE what i was getting myself into when participating in that. because of Lifeline, i was able to experience God on a whole other level; priceless irreplaceable friendships, Camp Adventure, Mexico. Those three have had the most impact on my heart.
But even before i got to camp adventure and flew (on a plane for the very first time) to Mexico, i had the opportunity to actually share my story with the entire population of GCC. they did a "my life" series campaigne in march. i was week 3. they chose me. seriously therehad to have been thousands of others with possibly ten times better of a story but they did me.i literally got to tell everyone my life- mistakes, heartache, losing dad, abuse ex, alcohol, my insecurities and why i have them. to this day i still cant believe God blessed me with that chance. it really opened the door to friendships and allowed me to just be myself, no holding back.
oh and MERGE. the college age services every monday. AHHHH how fun. getting to serve together with people my age facing the same struggles, being able to have fun without gettin trashed EVERY night waking up regretting what you did or with whom you did whatever with...or waking up next to someone not remembering if there was anything to regret.
im surrounded by talent. the musicians OH and the vocals of dan, trace, seth, j, leroy, angie, and kim....dustin, jeff, jason,so many people just exploding with beautiful talent. not to mention the abnormalcy of how HUGE the pastors hearts are there, i cant wrap my stupid, small, and so undeveloped brain around it. Dr Bob...he calls us Beloved...BELOVED. Rob Wagner (Bob Saggot :-} ) his excitement when speaking of Jesus and what His Father OUR Father can do and will do for us. Mark Waltz with his unconditional love and strong desire to just hear everyone story. Jason's words of wisdom and internal passion for falling into God face first at SUCH a YOUNG age. you know who is next : R Mark Beeson...i dont think God created words on earth for us simple minded humans to use to describe such excellence. I LOVE THIS MAN. Whew...is it offensive to say that i think if God had another son but of the world (somehow....just go with it) that Mark would have been him? well lets hope its not offensive because i do often think it.
man. Camp.Mexico. Baptism.
i was Baptized September 9, 2007 @ 4:43 p.m. by Mark Beeson and his sensational beautifully made wife, sheila.
there is so much more before being baptized though.
Mexico. man let me tell you. NOTHING CLOSE. i had my feet washed...by COREY MANN.oh did i mention the Mann Clan? NO i didnt? well let me just tell you about them
there once was a mann named corey who fell in love with a woman named debbie. they got married, kissed, and had a beautiful baby girl mann, Chloe. 8 or 9 years later, wife and husband mann kissed again and had a miracle little man, Caleb. These two kids i love with all my heart. And Debbie is one hot sexy momma and i love how real she is, also just how friggin cool she is, easy to talk to, phenomenal mother, wife, and friend to me. did i mention she can cut hair like no otha motha AND wax them eyebrows -- mann there aint nothin she cant do. her husband is my favorite. funniest mann you will ever meet. you just dont meet families where EVERYONE is JUST THAT FRIGGIN' AWESOME. VERY VERY VERY blessed to say "hey i know them."
so anyway, never had my feet washed. corey looked at me right in the eyes and the first thing he said was a question..."and you, what were you doing a year ago?" if only people had known that exactly a year ago on that day, July 26th, i had made a choice with someone and everything had went completely down hill for me and i just KNOW that was God speaking through that mann.
not as if the kids werent enough. gosh those kids. i miss mexico.
i moved out of Cody and Kristin's hair the third week of August to move into a house in South Bend with 5 other God centered lives-- Jerica, Jeanna, Rachel, Suzanna, and Heather. talk about surrounding youself with positive successful people/ friends. this house is unbelievably nice and big! i love it!
i have built up some tremedous relationships with some guys that are very passionate for the Lord. they have helped me in so many ways. helping me see there are good guys that care out there. thanks david, nate, and spence.
i think i might call it a night!
Thank you Abba for alll the unconditional love and patience you have shown me. you truly are the Great I am.
happy one year sarah:-)
anyway. i have lived her for one full entire year to this date. here comes the cliche and OH SO predictable line...I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S BEEN A YEAR!
but seriously though, i can't wrap my head around all that has happened, all that i've experienced and I WAS THERE FOR ALL OF IT. sometimes i feel like when i tell people about my life its as if im just telling some story. im to the point where the feelings (pain, sadnessm loneliness, fear, anger) i had i dont remember how deep or how intense all of it was. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?!?
man...here i sit at my brothers new house ( their first house - they have been married for ten years and i dont know any other couple that deserves a house -especially as nice as this one) watching these moments flash by- some of them are playing over and over... and over again.
i remember sitting in my saturn inthe parking lot of my dorm at Ball State just drowning in my car due to the amount of tears my body was producing. good lord that day sucked. i didnt even beat around the bush. i came right out and asked Cody if i could come live with them up there.
i really couldnt go on the way i was with school, this one guy (all the guys before him)...just the habits i was developing and the decisions i made had literally dragged me down to my knees. i just didnt want to move on with life if i stayed there. i would have soaked myself up with sex, alcohol, and God only knows what else. i had NO respect for myself- saw no value in me- thought i had absolutely NOTHING to offer and that i would never do well in anything.
some might look at it as running away again, not finishing another thing i started, but the thing is i was running...to God. the only thing that made sense to me in the midst of my chaotic, unruly life was Granger Community Church.
i got plugged into GCC in any way possible. I started with the high school ministry, Lifeline. i had no CLUE what i was getting myself into when participating in that. because of Lifeline, i was able to experience God on a whole other level; priceless irreplaceable friendships, Camp Adventure, Mexico. Those three have had the most impact on my heart.
But even before i got to camp adventure and flew (on a plane for the very first time) to Mexico, i had the opportunity to actually share my story with the entire population of GCC. they did a "my life" series campaigne in march. i was week 3. they chose me. seriously therehad to have been thousands of others with possibly ten times better of a story but they did me.i literally got to tell everyone my life- mistakes, heartache, losing dad, abuse ex, alcohol, my insecurities and why i have them. to this day i still cant believe God blessed me with that chance. it really opened the door to friendships and allowed me to just be myself, no holding back.
oh and MERGE. the college age services every monday. AHHHH how fun. getting to serve together with people my age facing the same struggles, being able to have fun without gettin trashed EVERY night waking up regretting what you did or with whom you did whatever with...or waking up next to someone not remembering if there was anything to regret.
im surrounded by talent. the musicians OH and the vocals of dan, trace, seth, j, leroy, angie, and kim....dustin, jeff, jason,so many people just exploding with beautiful talent. not to mention the abnormalcy of how HUGE the pastors hearts are there, i cant wrap my stupid, small, and so undeveloped brain around it. Dr Bob...he calls us Beloved...BELOVED. Rob Wagner (Bob Saggot :-} ) his excitement when speaking of Jesus and what His Father OUR Father can do and will do for us. Mark Waltz with his unconditional love and strong desire to just hear everyone story. Jason's words of wisdom and internal passion for falling into God face first at SUCH a YOUNG age. you know who is next : R Mark Beeson...i dont think God created words on earth for us simple minded humans to use to describe such excellence. I LOVE THIS MAN. Whew...is it offensive to say that i think if God had another son but of the world (somehow....just go with it) that Mark would have been him? well lets hope its not offensive because i do often think it.
man. Camp.Mexico. Baptism.
i was Baptized September 9, 2007 @ 4:43 p.m. by Mark Beeson and his sensational beautifully made wife, sheila.
there is so much more before being baptized though.
Mexico. man let me tell you. NOTHING CLOSE. i had my feet washed...by COREY MANN.oh did i mention the Mann Clan? NO i didnt? well let me just tell you about them
there once was a mann named corey who fell in love with a woman named debbie. they got married, kissed, and had a beautiful baby girl mann, Chloe. 8 or 9 years later, wife and husband mann kissed again and had a miracle little man, Caleb. These two kids i love with all my heart. And Debbie is one hot sexy momma and i love how real she is, also just how friggin cool she is, easy to talk to, phenomenal mother, wife, and friend to me. did i mention she can cut hair like no otha motha AND wax them eyebrows -- mann there aint nothin she cant do. her husband is my favorite. funniest mann you will ever meet. you just dont meet families where EVERYONE is JUST THAT FRIGGIN' AWESOME. VERY VERY VERY blessed to say "hey i know them."
so anyway, never had my feet washed. corey looked at me right in the eyes and the first thing he said was a question..."and you, what were you doing a year ago?" if only people had known that exactly a year ago on that day, July 26th, i had made a choice with someone and everything had went completely down hill for me and i just KNOW that was God speaking through that mann.
not as if the kids werent enough. gosh those kids. i miss mexico.
i moved out of Cody and Kristin's hair the third week of August to move into a house in South Bend with 5 other God centered lives-- Jerica, Jeanna, Rachel, Suzanna, and Heather. talk about surrounding youself with positive successful people/ friends. this house is unbelievably nice and big! i love it!
i have built up some tremedous relationships with some guys that are very passionate for the Lord. they have helped me in so many ways. helping me see there are good guys that care out there. thanks david, nate, and spence.
i think i might call it a night!
Thank you Abba for alll the unconditional love and patience you have shown me. you truly are the Great I am.
happy one year sarah:-)
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
G.R.A.C.E
I don't wanna see, I don't wanna see anything
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be lost again
I don't wanna walk, I don't wanna walk far from You
I just wanna live, I just wanna live like You do
As I stumble to the light of grace
You said You'd always have a place for me
Got a little scared, got a little scared in the woods
And everywhere I turn, everywhere I turn nothing's good
Then I saw a little light, saw a little light shine for me
And I found a little path, found a little path at my feet
As I fumble with the gift of my free will
He says "Hush now, listen to my voice, be still"
My refuge, my Father
The only Living Water
I'm weary, I'm broken
I've cracked my heart wide open
Unholy, unworthy
And still You reassure me
You knew me
Before I new myself
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be lost again.
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be lost again
I don't wanna walk, I don't wanna walk far from You
I just wanna live, I just wanna live like You do
As I stumble to the light of grace
You said You'd always have a place for me
Got a little scared, got a little scared in the woods
And everywhere I turn, everywhere I turn nothing's good
Then I saw a little light, saw a little light shine for me
And I found a little path, found a little path at my feet
As I fumble with the gift of my free will
He says "Hush now, listen to my voice, be still"
My refuge, my Father
The only Living Water
I'm weary, I'm broken
I've cracked my heart wide open
Unholy, unworthy
And still You reassure me
You knew me
Before I new myself
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be lost again.
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