DITCH THE EGO

YL: “What’s your best business advice?” Adam Green: “It takes a concerted effort. Develop your team and leaders—they are the true commodity in your business. Find mentors, ditch the ego, be teachable and coachable, go in with a student’s mindset, and learn the skills you need.” Can I just say, being a boss/leader sounds terrifying? Growing up I was CONTINUOUSLY told "Be a leader, not a follower!" I get the root behind it: "don't follow the wrong crowds, don't just fit in, stand up for what's right. BE bold for the right thing!" YES, YES, AND YES. But I didn't realize how much I had adapted to the fear of becoming a follower. My young mind started twisting a follower to be a weak and purposeless person of INSIGNIFIGANCE- a nobody, if you will. I still have LOTS of growing up to do mentally and I still possess a young mind, but at 28 this whole follower viewpoint thing is starting to shift.... What if the follower is the glue holding the leader together? What if the follower is like a pillar- connecting the foundation to the very roof that covers and protects? AND what is the follower's heart? Is it submissive? Humble? Encouraging? Supportive? SIGN ME UP! Like I said, I'm still learning so much, but at this point in my life I am (more so than ever) questioning my sanity. We HEAR all through life "he said, she said" stories about people- good and bad. I wanted to preface what I am about to say with that because we get into SUPER touchy grounds of offending other people with ANYTHING we say anymore. You've been warned..so if you read more, it's your choice to read my opinion/mind process on some things in life! I see a lot of leaders, on a personal level, interact. I read about a lot of leaders on their success and failures. I hear about a lot of leaders from people under their directions and guess what? EPIC MIND BLOWING TOP SECRET INFORMATION: THEY ARE HUMANS! (Cue the shrilling screams and loud gasps!) They mess up more than they will admit, they also help more than they will ever even let you imagine and they are BIAS in every way shape and form. They are NEVER alone. THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE behind them. Whether it's a spouse, family, team, paid team, or friends, they are never alone. So why am I going on and on about this? The whole leader, follower thing branches from this. I need to put into perspective who leaders are, and how I can better understand, love, forgive, and even help them. AND because just as much as I hurt and offend people, I often get hurt by people, too. And some of these people are said leaders in life. When it comes down to it, what they chose to do I didn't agree with and it hurt me. BUT, BUT, BUT: Isn't that what all conflict is? Someone didn't do what you wanted and you're upset. This isn't rocket science. We learn this in at age 1 with another baby at age 1. "You took away my toy that made me happy and used to in your own way to make you happy! NOW I AM ANGRY CRYING AND WON’T STOP UNTIL I FEEL SATISFIED AGAIN!" Now…. take that and put in grown adult bodies. It's toxic. It's scary and it's hard. Did I mention it's seemingly impossible to get over???? What do ALL of us do with it? With getting hurt or offended? GREAT QUESTION!! Between what I witness, hear, and process in my brain (again at 28 and still needing to learn A LOT in mature my emotions), we DO A LOT WITH IT and don't even realize how much it affects how we live. I have made categories up (again to me). Here is how I process things. I apparently “categorize” people, but if we are all being honest, we all do. #1. DIE TO SELF CHRIST CHASING FORGIVERS: These are the people who have a relationship with God figured out. Not perfect by any means, but understand AND LIVE with him as if He is their spouse. God is included in everything they do. AND they forgive, even if they have to do it every day or hour or even minute. #2. FORGIVE AND FORGETERS: Some of us forgive for a week, month, day, but when a new person hurts us in the same way and we forget the forgive and are now mad at the original offender #1 again and now mad at new offender #2. DOUBLE WHAMMY! #3. NO CLUERS: Others (like my husband) are so oblivious to the offense and have no clue someone was hurtful to them AND are oblivious to how they offend others and go on their way as if everything is fine. They are frustrating to the #2 category, but EXCELLENT for being the peace in the storm because somehow not a lot bothers them. #4. PRIDE ROCK: No, not Lion King, but the image most definitely comes to mind when I “think” I have identified these people. Notice I didn’t put a “er” on the end because I truly think this is a place, more so a memory/game changer event that took place and is written in their memory forever. These people have been hurt and/or wronged and "it doesn't bother" them, BUT oh, do they have a vow. Whether they admit it and tell people (coworkers, spouse, kids, friends, family), OR KEEP IT TO THEMSELVES and only say it in their mind, they promised themselves "THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN." This brings in lots of control freak issues and when you're a breathing person, let alone leader that can be scary, yeah? Vowing to control things you just can't as a human. #5. PRIDE ROCKERS: This is a result of #4 but I made it another category because it’s that common and they are ROCKIN’ this pride thing! This is everything in #4 but there is no fault, no humility and no apologies. This type of person can either just truly think they are never hardly ever wrong OR they are aware and (what’s almost worse than what I just said is) they WILL NEVER ADMIT THEY WERE WRONG! This one is the most frustrating obstacles for category #6 (it’s my last one!) #6. INSANERS: This is what I call myself. And it's ALL OF THESE CATEGORIES EXCEPT for #1. # 1 isn't the main ingredient...it's like the "add more salt as desired” or “only if you want to” or “add just a pinch" option to the recipe. In my opinion, it’s the worst and I truly lose my sanity. I get tunnel vision in every way. I lose value of other people. I cling to people who agree with my hurt and I live there. I live there. I push away others that don’t agree because that makes me wrong. And if I do ONE more thing wrong, I’ll completely lose it. And that’s not a threat, it’s the honest truth, But not GOD- honest. The only thing that “soothes” insaners, that takes the edge off, is a temporary high. For me a quick high is always acknowledgment and reiteration of a “hey- you matter! And you did (insert one thing) really well!” But then I go right back to #2-5. It’s a vicious, exhausting, never winning, never ending cycle. None of this makes anything easier. Even dying to self- it's the hardest one. When you do the hardest one, though, the results are LIFE- CHANGING, but only because it require a Savior. A Savior who died on a cross to take ALL of this on; A Savior who then came back to life even with all of that toxic selfish sin, to NEVER STOP giving grace. So, this was basically a little inside "peak" if you will of what's been eating me up lately. I'm trying to process the fear I have of possibly being a leader in all aspects: as a daughter of God, wife to Eric, a mother, worship at church, friend, daughter to my mother, sister, aunt, cousin, 1st Source employee…..all that AND trying to pursue a passion and "purpose". Nutshell: Being a leader sounds terrifying. Being a follower has been starting to sound so much easier, but given all the things I just vomited, supporting leaders can be just as hard. I have been believing a lot of lies about leaders and myself lately, so much that I even fear talking to anyone in a leadership position anymore…this is a process, just like everything else in life. But I can’t keep “processing on my own”. God keeps laying this on my heart: “Maybe as much as you want your leaders to ditch the ego and be teachable and coachable, maybe I want you to just ditch the ego.” Ditch the ego, be teachable and coachable. Jesus did for His Father.