you are quite the faithful blogger and i know you will read this so hear it is love!
once again you have blown me away with your love- GOD's love. kristin, please know, you truly are the best friend I have EVER had. you in fact give the word "BEST FRIEND" an entirely deeper definition. sometimes in saying best friend and your name makes best friend seem so inadequate. you're more than a few laughs, more than an occasional hug, more than the average hey how are ya? you are just real. i can honestly say there are SEVERAL SEVERAL people who agree with me when saying hands down you are beyond words. other than mom i have never meet ANYONE that shows and has so much UNCONDITIONAL love. i have been thanking God EVERY chance i get that i get to model after you! your determination to be an amazing wife, your integrity to be an extraordinary mom, and your PASSION, your heart that beats so fast and chases after God. i haven't even started on how creative and smart you are! i could write a book about you. some would probably think it fictitious though, because you are so flipping phenomenal, you seem too good to be true;-). it would change lives. actually you have changed lives as a teacher and now as a staff member of GCC. you are just too cool, seeeester.
thank you so much for being you. how often do you hear that? the thing is though, with you it doesn't get more honest. i love you!
Friday, June 27, 2008
blessed with love, grace, and affirmation
Two weeks ago to this day, my world was literally turned downside UP in THE BEST way possible.
The following has taken place from June 13th and on:
-God turned my sin into a direct gift to me from Him.
-God has daily shown me His excitement for me, FOR WHO I AM and WHO I WILL BECOME, through family and friends who love just as deep as family.
-i am surrounded, ABSOLUTELY SURROUNDED, by grace and have quite possibly the best support group ever.
-Mark Beeson said himself, there is nothing we can do that will make God or His true followers (including himself) love me more OR LESS.
-my sister-in-law, Kristin Baker. if you know her, i think you get the point of how much of a blessing that is.
-i have literally been depending on God E V E R Y D A Y. for some of you, this is routine. for me two weeks ago, this seemed flat out impossible.
-i wake up with a feeling of purpose again. to be honest, i haven't felt purpose since January.
-i quit lying, about STUPID LITTLE THINGS!(NEVER thought that would happen)
-God has placed two specific people in my life that i now have a responsibility of influencing. it can only be done by standing strong in my faith and building on my relationship with God and that right there is enough to get anyone excited!
-all this bitterness, all the questions i had, all the anger i had...GONE. God knew what was in store for me. us humans, we think we have to know WHY and that we can handle it. God knows why, i see that now and i wouldn't change a thing!
-i am experiencing a GOOD scared:-)
-each day now to me is actually just like birthday or christmas present.
-when i go to bed, i'm consumed in awe by how cool God is simply by how He creates life.
-the one that overwhelms my heart so much i start to cry...i have my brothers back, more so Cody.
oh man there is so much more, but those are things that have stood out to me most. i am so excited about what God has in store for this life of mine.
The following has taken place from June 13th and on:
-God turned my sin into a direct gift to me from Him.
-God has daily shown me His excitement for me, FOR WHO I AM and WHO I WILL BECOME, through family and friends who love just as deep as family.
-i am surrounded, ABSOLUTELY SURROUNDED, by grace and have quite possibly the best support group ever.
-Mark Beeson said himself, there is nothing we can do that will make God or His true followers (including himself) love me more OR LESS.
-my sister-in-law, Kristin Baker. if you know her, i think you get the point of how much of a blessing that is.
-i have literally been depending on God E V E R Y D A Y. for some of you, this is routine. for me two weeks ago, this seemed flat out impossible.
-i wake up with a feeling of purpose again. to be honest, i haven't felt purpose since January.
-i quit lying, about STUPID LITTLE THINGS!(NEVER thought that would happen)
-God has placed two specific people in my life that i now have a responsibility of influencing. it can only be done by standing strong in my faith and building on my relationship with God and that right there is enough to get anyone excited!
-all this bitterness, all the questions i had, all the anger i had...GONE. God knew what was in store for me. us humans, we think we have to know WHY and that we can handle it. God knows why, i see that now and i wouldn't change a thing!
-i am experiencing a GOOD scared:-)
-each day now to me is actually just like birthday or christmas present.
-when i go to bed, i'm consumed in awe by how cool God is simply by how He creates life.
-the one that overwhelms my heart so much i start to cry...i have my brothers back, more so Cody.
oh man there is so much more, but those are things that have stood out to me most. i am so excited about what God has in store for this life of mine.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
are you a loving person?
i must start out by saying this...i had the honor of hearing Dr Bob TWICE in one week. once on monday at 201, which by the way INCREDIBLY cool. just when i didnt think it was possible to fall more in love with GCC and God, i did! the second blessing was thursday at New Community! i wish i could have a little DB on my shoulder just pop up every time i think...or dont think...and just start to do something stupid. how cool would that be?
anyway, about this loving person thing. as my latest bloggings have been posted, one could easily note i have been dealing/struggling with some SERIOUS bitterness, confusion, heart-breaking pain, disappointment, you name it i feel it. then of course, God comes through when I least expect it (im starting to love it by the way) through DB's message. as always i like to share the notes i jotted down from him and then some thoughts i had in between.
-Jesus never stops testing us, so we can see our hearts.
-Matthew 15:21
- mother desperate for daughter to be healed/ delivered from suffering of demons. when she comes to Jesus and his dicsiples begging for help, Jesus says NOTHING. Rather his disciples run to Him saying "Send her away, she is bothering us!"
**random thought: too many times i just assume the disciples were PERFECT, absolutely flawless. and yet, they run the their Master, OUR SAVIOR and tell him they don't want to deal with someone in need of help. I say, Lord use me! then someone is crying out for help, love, a FRIEND, and i say umm hmm yeah really DONT wanna deal with you right now. HOW DARE I!!!!
- so DB goes onto share with us he thinks the reason why Jesus says nothing is because He is just staring at His followers, watching their actions, waiting to hear their words..as if TESTING THEM! the woman, the mother is a Gentile, apparently that "bred" wasnt cool back then which made the disciples hesitant; HOWEVER, because she comes to the LORD!! still completely with faith, He hears her cry and goes to help her. he was just wanting to see what His disciples would do.
HERE IS WHAT HAS BEEN HEAVY ON MY HEART and has been very difficult for me to take. I havent been able to stop thinking about it, which was the following (word for word, Dr Bob):
"If we as a church, hear someone crying out to us and do not answer, WE ARE NOT A CHURCH. BELOVED KEEP CRYING OUT TO US!"
WOW...i'm tearing up right now. i feel so much tension within myself when i read that and replay how he delivered it. i felt like the guy was looking right at me knew my situation and was speaking what GOD has been trying to tell me. the problem is, i dont know how to take it yet.
MY NATURAL response was wanting to go back to the bitterness and i have. not as drastic, but i am so there. i had lunch THAT very thursday with someone who has within this year shown me such a great love and friendship. we were both talking about my situation, she said something that had never dawned on me and i'm afraid i took it in a way that allowed me to feed fuel to my fire. certain people- important leaders- at GCC i know have seen pictures on facebook, and im sure have heard i had fallen back into the drinking scene for a little, AND knew why i was struggling and WHY i had started doing it...so why didn't they check up on me LIKE THEY SAID THEY WOULD and be there for me...LIKE THEY TOLD ME THEMSELVES AND WILLINGLY SAID THEY CARED AND WANTED TO BE THERE???? WHY DIDNT THEY HEAR MY CRY??!?!?!
THEN God stepped in through DB and pointed out the greatest hurt you will ever experience is INNER!!!
okay so i took that as well im only hurting myself, with this anger and bitterness. while at the same time im juggling the fact THEY FAILED TOO! and it HURTS ME. so all that to say im unfortunately currently stuck at HURT by them and MAD at me.
back to the message.
DB went on to say that this is all about self-sacrifice...ITS A DAILY BATTLE!
and each personality we have that wins more will determine who you become. recognize the battle and who is winning.
another, amongst many, of the reasons why i adore DB is because he always incorporates music well as much as possible in his sermons. he played Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde's confrontation. (such an amazing song with a lot of spiritual depth behind it)
then he said my favorite verse Romans 7:15,21,23
"15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me...23I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge."
SO ME!!!
i'll end with this:
sometimes we are afraid to be a loving person because we dont want to get hurt...
God throws HIMSELF
H E A R T
S O U L
M I N D
at you, knowing you will hurt HIM, and HE NEVER WALKS AWAY.
NO. i'm not a loving person, not as loving as i should be and i'm too select with who i give/ show my love to. i think my prayer for awhile will be that God opens my eyes to the unseen, that i may act on it only for His good.
anyway, about this loving person thing. as my latest bloggings have been posted, one could easily note i have been dealing/struggling with some SERIOUS bitterness, confusion, heart-breaking pain, disappointment, you name it i feel it. then of course, God comes through when I least expect it (im starting to love it by the way) through DB's message. as always i like to share the notes i jotted down from him and then some thoughts i had in between.
-Jesus never stops testing us, so we can see our hearts.
-Matthew 15:21
- mother desperate for daughter to be healed/ delivered from suffering of demons. when she comes to Jesus and his dicsiples begging for help, Jesus says NOTHING. Rather his disciples run to Him saying "Send her away, she is bothering us!"
**random thought: too many times i just assume the disciples were PERFECT, absolutely flawless. and yet, they run the their Master, OUR SAVIOR and tell him they don't want to deal with someone in need of help. I say, Lord use me! then someone is crying out for help, love, a FRIEND, and i say umm hmm yeah really DONT wanna deal with you right now. HOW DARE I!!!!
- so DB goes onto share with us he thinks the reason why Jesus says nothing is because He is just staring at His followers, watching their actions, waiting to hear their words..as if TESTING THEM! the woman, the mother is a Gentile, apparently that "bred" wasnt cool back then which made the disciples hesitant; HOWEVER, because she comes to the LORD!! still completely with faith, He hears her cry and goes to help her. he was just wanting to see what His disciples would do.
HERE IS WHAT HAS BEEN HEAVY ON MY HEART and has been very difficult for me to take. I havent been able to stop thinking about it, which was the following (word for word, Dr Bob):
"If we as a church, hear someone crying out to us and do not answer, WE ARE NOT A CHURCH. BELOVED KEEP CRYING OUT TO US!"
WOW...i'm tearing up right now. i feel so much tension within myself when i read that and replay how he delivered it. i felt like the guy was looking right at me knew my situation and was speaking what GOD has been trying to tell me. the problem is, i dont know how to take it yet.
MY NATURAL response was wanting to go back to the bitterness and i have. not as drastic, but i am so there. i had lunch THAT very thursday with someone who has within this year shown me such a great love and friendship. we were both talking about my situation, she said something that had never dawned on me and i'm afraid i took it in a way that allowed me to feed fuel to my fire. certain people- important leaders- at GCC i know have seen pictures on facebook, and im sure have heard i had fallen back into the drinking scene for a little, AND knew why i was struggling and WHY i had started doing it...so why didn't they check up on me LIKE THEY SAID THEY WOULD and be there for me...LIKE THEY TOLD ME THEMSELVES AND WILLINGLY SAID THEY CARED AND WANTED TO BE THERE???? WHY DIDNT THEY HEAR MY CRY??!?!?!
THEN God stepped in through DB and pointed out the greatest hurt you will ever experience is INNER!!!
okay so i took that as well im only hurting myself, with this anger and bitterness. while at the same time im juggling the fact THEY FAILED TOO! and it HURTS ME. so all that to say im unfortunately currently stuck at HURT by them and MAD at me.
back to the message.
DB went on to say that this is all about self-sacrifice...ITS A DAILY BATTLE!
and each personality we have that wins more will determine who you become. recognize the battle and who is winning.
another, amongst many, of the reasons why i adore DB is because he always incorporates music well as much as possible in his sermons. he played Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde's confrontation. (such an amazing song with a lot of spiritual depth behind it)
then he said my favorite verse Romans 7:15,21,23
"15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me...23I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge."
SO ME!!!
i'll end with this:
sometimes we are afraid to be a loving person because we dont want to get hurt...
God throws HIMSELF
H E A R T
S O U L
M I N D
at you, knowing you will hurt HIM, and HE NEVER WALKS AWAY.
NO. i'm not a loving person, not as loving as i should be and i'm too select with who i give/ show my love to. i think my prayer for awhile will be that God opens my eyes to the unseen, that i may act on it only for His good.
Monday, June 2, 2008
past the bitterness...
James 3:14-18
"14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."
James 4:1-12
"1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
4You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?[a] 6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."[b]
7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
11Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?"
i like the way the Message words James 4:2-6 (i know its saying the same thing but..)
"2-3You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way.
4-6You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble."
i read my last post over and over and over again. i just get more enraged. yes i'm mad. yes i am VERY hurt by some decisions MY leaders made, but then i read these scriptures and KNOW it's all wrong- the way i'm going about this.
a week ago today i was told camp just isnt in the picture for me this year. so for a whole week i've been on a rampage just putting all my thoughts out there, being mad at those who get to counsel at camp, being mad at the church, and just feeling hurt.
i stayed the night at cody and kristins last night and kristin woke me up to the verses telling me "Sarah, you need to hear this. its for you"
MY quarrels are from my desires within ME! I WANT CAMP. i have wanted camp since the minute i stepped foot on campus.i wanted it then because i SAW AND FELT what GOD does there to lives open to HIM. after january, i still wanted camp for that reason, but with each month i wanted it to change me AGAIN with the kids too. james 4:4 says you do not receive because you ask with the wrong motives.
so i think about what that means, then i admit without any hesitation i made some bad decisions (if you know me and care about me, you have seen the picutres on facebook). then satan does this thing that i still get sold on....he whispers "okay but what about the OTHER people they are letting counsel this year UUUUUH HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR PICTURES!!!! some of them dont even go to the church , sarah and YOU KNOW they arent living the GCC life" so i just feeeeeeeed on that. i HAVE been for weeks. comparing myself to them. its led me to more insanity! that's when james 3:13 comes in reminding me that "if you harbor bitter envy and selfish amibtionsin your heart, do not boast about it or deny the truth. such 'wisdom' is of the devil."
i'm going to try REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD to just drop this, ask God for forgivevness for my selfish ambitions, and not be mad at people. i still dont entirely agree, but you know what?, that stuff happpens everyday. if i sit around on my fat butt complaining all that happens is I GET FATTER haha. so i'm just gonna walk away from the temptation and learn and try to just get back to where i was with God.
"14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."
James 4:1-12
"1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
4You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?[a] 6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."[b]
7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
11Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?"
i like the way the Message words James 4:2-6 (i know its saying the same thing but..)
"2-3You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way.
4-6You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble."
i read my last post over and over and over again. i just get more enraged. yes i'm mad. yes i am VERY hurt by some decisions MY leaders made, but then i read these scriptures and KNOW it's all wrong- the way i'm going about this.
a week ago today i was told camp just isnt in the picture for me this year. so for a whole week i've been on a rampage just putting all my thoughts out there, being mad at those who get to counsel at camp, being mad at the church, and just feeling hurt.
i stayed the night at cody and kristins last night and kristin woke me up to the verses telling me "Sarah, you need to hear this. its for you"
MY quarrels are from my desires within ME! I WANT CAMP. i have wanted camp since the minute i stepped foot on campus.i wanted it then because i SAW AND FELT what GOD does there to lives open to HIM. after january, i still wanted camp for that reason, but with each month i wanted it to change me AGAIN with the kids too. james 4:4 says you do not receive because you ask with the wrong motives.
so i think about what that means, then i admit without any hesitation i made some bad decisions (if you know me and care about me, you have seen the picutres on facebook). then satan does this thing that i still get sold on....he whispers "okay but what about the OTHER people they are letting counsel this year UUUUUH HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR PICTURES!!!! some of them dont even go to the church , sarah and YOU KNOW they arent living the GCC life" so i just feeeeeeeed on that. i HAVE been for weeks. comparing myself to them. its led me to more insanity! that's when james 3:13 comes in reminding me that "if you harbor bitter envy and selfish amibtionsin your heart, do not boast about it or deny the truth. such 'wisdom' is of the devil."
i'm going to try REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD to just drop this, ask God for forgivevness for my selfish ambitions, and not be mad at people. i still dont entirely agree, but you know what?, that stuff happpens everyday. if i sit around on my fat butt complaining all that happens is I GET FATTER haha. so i'm just gonna walk away from the temptation and learn and try to just get back to where i was with God.
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