past the bitterness...

James 3:14-18
"14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."


James 4:1-12
"1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
4You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?[a] 6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."[b]

7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
11Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?"



i like the way the Message words James 4:2-6 (i know its saying the same thing but..)
"2-3You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way.
4-6You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble."

i read my last post over and over and over again. i just get more enraged. yes i'm mad. yes i am VERY hurt by some decisions MY leaders made, but then i read these scriptures and KNOW it's all wrong- the way i'm going about this.

a week ago today i was told camp just isnt in the picture for me this year. so for a whole week i've been on a rampage just putting all my thoughts out there, being mad at those who get to counsel at camp, being mad at the church, and just feeling hurt.

i stayed the night at cody and kristins last night and kristin woke me up to the verses telling me "Sarah, you need to hear this. its for you"

MY quarrels are from my desires within ME! I WANT CAMP. i have wanted camp since the minute i stepped foot on campus.i wanted it then because i SAW AND FELT what GOD does there to lives open to HIM. after january, i still wanted camp for that reason, but with each month i wanted it to change me AGAIN with the kids too. james 4:4 says you do not receive because you ask with the wrong motives.

so i think about what that means, then i admit without any hesitation i made some bad decisions (if you know me and care about me, you have seen the picutres on facebook). then satan does this thing that i still get sold on....he whispers "okay but what about the OTHER people they are letting counsel this year UUUUUH HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR PICTURES!!!! some of them dont even go to the church , sarah and YOU KNOW they arent living the GCC life" so i just feeeeeeeed on that. i HAVE been for weeks. comparing myself to them. its led me to more insanity! that's when james 3:13 comes in reminding me that "if you harbor bitter envy and selfish amibtionsin your heart, do not boast about it or deny the truth. such 'wisdom' is of the devil."

i'm going to try REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD to just drop this, ask God for forgivevness for my selfish ambitions, and not be mad at people. i still dont entirely agree, but you know what?, that stuff happpens everyday. if i sit around on my fat butt complaining all that happens is I GET FATTER haha. so i'm just gonna walk away from the temptation and learn and try to just get back to where i was with God.