the more i seek you

the more i seek you, the more i find you.
the more i find you, the more i love you.

i want to sit at your feet,
drink from the cup in your hand,
lay back against you and breath,
feel your heart beat.
this love is so deep,
it's more than i can stand,
i melt in your peace
it's overwhelming.


i can not believe God loves me as He does.

God, I am so in love with you. Thank you for always driving me to discover you and for the oppotunities you goiv me everyday to be used by you. With each trial i face I end up falling deeper and deeper in love with you. I am just wanting to live for you and be with you alone. My heart for the first time feels whole again. I am NOTHING without you. My life is yours; take it to use as an instrument in your song of grace and blessing. Let others see Jesus through me. I will try so hard father to show your love and to let people know they matter. Thank you so much for myu family Lord. You have blessed me so much. I LOVE YOU.

"...even when I take a seat on a plane,..."

"I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of just being “another somebody” to the lost around me. I have made a decision. I made up my mind and set my heart to declare, “I am going to pursue the presence of God in my life. I am going to get so close to God that when I walk into any place, people will meet Him.” They may not know that I am there, but they will definitely know that He is there. I want to be so saturated with God’s presence that when I take a seat on a plane, that everyone near me will suddenly feel uncomfortable if they’re not right with God, even though I haven’t said a word."






let that one stew in your head for a bit, be aware of the reaction your heart will have...

...i set you apart. - God

so im sitting here bawling my eyes out listening to iPod and coldplay comes on with scientist. this song has always been a song from God to me even when i was out drinking and well just not respecting myself or God.

it hits me, for some reason God loves me. i will never know why but no matter who doesnt love me, whoever doesnt want me...He does EVERY DAY, EVERY SECOND. He set me apart. i cry out asking God why cant there be a guy out there that falls in love with everything about me like always hear not JUST in movies but in real life and witness!...WHY?? I DO...thats what God is crying back to me; that He does, more than anything i could possibly covet or love with a pure heart. GOD MADE ME. HE TOOK HIS TIME ON ME. and is taking his time with me now. i have a love. its God and Jesus. they sacrificed an easy life for a hard one. the least i can do is ALWAYS try, serve, and follow with a sincere humble heart.

it's true, when i was younger no one told me how bad life could suck; how heartless people can be; how scarred people are; how deeply affected people can be from bad habits passed on from centuries ago. all i saw and heard was disney stories. of course who wants to tell a small child about "people who do bad things"...it would create a heart full of fear and judgment; later holding he or she back from great experiences because of this subconscious alert that went off in their mind to "avoid, object(s) could hurt you".

this blog wasnt anything like i had planned it to be, but thats how life is...my nerves are more calm, my spirit still feels tangled in a spider web, but not forever trapped. i just need to need to let God in, make God my priority again. just go back to start.

Troubled Heart

i'm really struggling. everything is actually going really well. God has blessed me. i don't know why..He did all He has for me since i moved here just for me to carry on the way i have been. there's a serious inner spiritual battle goin on with me and for the most part...i'm losing to self. there is no reason for it...i disappointed and hurt God...i still am. if only everyone knew what i have been thinking and how i have been acting.

it's so hard for me to focus on what was becoming like second nature to me. i know what God has planned for me is amazing and im only prolonging it. i think i have already missed out on somethings b/c of my selfishness and that scares me. i want to be used by God. i dont want to miss out on what he has in store for others.

i'm really emotional right now. i hate crying all the time...thats the crap i use to do before. i have been for like 2 weeks. i wish God had blessed me with the ability to write. not even poetry, but just to be able to express my feelings. i know..how hard is that its your thoughts just jot em down, right? i cant for some reason. when i go back and read what i have i just sit there and get more frustrated. my 4 yr old niece can express herself better then me.

i guess ill just continue cheating with other artists' work...their lyrics...their talent.
this song pretty much describes how i feel right now.


trouble, coldplay

oh no, I see,
a spider web is tangled up with me,
and i lost my head,
the thought of all the stupid things i'd said.

oh no, what's this?
a spider web, and i'm caught in the middle,
so i turn to run,
the thought of all the stupid things i've done,

and i never meant to cause you trouble,
i never meant to do you wrong,
and i, well if i ever caused you trouble,
and oh no, i never meant to do you harm.

oh no, i see,
a spider web and it's me in the middle,
so i twist and turn,
here i in my little bubble,

singing that i never meant to cause you trouble,
and, i never meant to do you wrong,
and i, well if i ever caused you trouble,
oh no, i never meant to do you harm.

they spun a web for me,
they spun a web for me,
they spun a web for me.

a warning sign

a warning sign,
i missed the good part then i realized,
i started looking and the bubble burst.
i started looking for excuses.

come on in,
i've gotta tell you what a state i'm in,
i've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
that i started looking for a warning sign.

when the truth is,
i miss you.
yeah the truth is,
that i miss you so.

a warning sign,
you came back to haunt me and i realized,
that you were an island and i passed you by,
you were an island to discover.

come on in,
i've gotta tell you what state i'm in,
i've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
that i started looking for a warning sign.

when the truth is,
i miss you.
yeah the truth is,
that i miss you so.

and i'm tired,
i should not have let you go.

so i crawl back into your open arms.
yes, i crawl back into your open arms.
and i crawl back into your open arms.
yes, i crawl back into your open arms...