all my post are ridiculously self-endulged.
sunday night i met two girls...it was not an accident i met these girls either. they broke my heart. i felt like i was sitting in front of me just 5 months ago...its really had a heavy affect on me this week.
i dont know how to help them. i want to tell them how badly im still fighting and slowly recovering from the very actions they are doing NOW, but its just going in one ear and out the other. i thought this was my strength...this was suppose to be simple; see girls do what i did and then tell them "YOU DONT WANT TO BE LIKE ME, LET ME HELP YOU PLEASE" then they change! its not working out that way.
instead, im not doing anything for them. i don't want to see or hear anymore stories about sex or heartbreak, relationships and see these kids stay in that. i want to just build this HUGE house where they can all live with me and know THEY MATTER and the decisions they are making now MATTER so make the right ones!!
i had people tell me that but that's all they did.i want to be more than a voice in their life. i want to be support and invested trust for them.
i have been pretty emotional and rather disoriented this past week..not sure where its coming from but its definitely clouding my vision for "the big scheme of things" right now.
i dont know how to defeat these thoughts, but thats b/c i have been trying to do it on my own...andi just realized it...
after all "...heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice."
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