G.R.A.C.E

I don't wanna see, I don't wanna see anything

I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be lost again

I don't wanna walk, I don't wanna walk far from You

I just wanna live, I just wanna live like You do

As I stumble to the light of grace

You said You'd always have a place for me

Got a little scared, got a little scared in the woods

And everywhere I turn, everywhere I turn nothing's good

Then I saw a little light, saw a little light shine for me

And I found a little path, found a little path at my feet

As I fumble with the gift of my free will

He says "Hush now, listen to my voice, be still"

My refuge, my Father

The only Living Water

I'm weary, I'm broken

I've cracked my heart wide open

Unholy, unworthy

And still You reassure me

You knew me

Before I new myself


I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be lost again.

mask for mask

i dont know if it's just a little phase im going through right now or if im just now seeing and realizing how people are and how life tends to be approached..by me and everyone else.
there tends to be talk of how everyone hids behind a mask- some have three they rotate through out his or her entire life, some have one for everday. i have a mask for every PERSON in my life. with some people i can use the the same mask, but more often then not, i have to switch em out.
question: am i fake?
answer: yes and no.
i should be able to be myself (through Christ) no matter what the audience. hasnt really worked out that way- ever. i always filter what i am rreally thinking or what i really want to say. sometimes thats good though because i would regret DEEPLY the next day what i said. however, its harmful in so many ways. i hold in what some need to hear, but dont want to hear...ya know.
soooooo how do i get rid of 21 years of masks and just let people see my face; the face God gave me and could shine so much Jesus?
I DONT FRIGGIN KNOW !
if anyone does lemme know...PLEASE. thanks.

I-YI-YI....

holy crap its been almost 2 months, but i have a vaild excuse..i moved into a house with no internet or cable at the end of august. so much has happened in those two months. okay well i moved to south bend into an AWESOME house with 5 other girls! whew it's crazy and i love it. our house is sooo nice and huge. my roommates are phenomenal. they are so encouraging and fun! bout 4 weeks ago i basically put in a 2 weeks notice and the week after my notice i was sent home...so i didnt get the full 2 weeks but i have had 3 weeks of absolutely nothing to do. while it has its advantages and im soaking up every moment, having no money is soaking up my ability to do anything that i have to pay for ahah...yeah no pay check sucks. BUT BUT BUT i do have a job as of wednesday at express. its only temp. i have another job in the end zone im just waiting for them to find space. GOOD news is express will occupy my time while they get everything figured out. hmmmm what else...OH YEAH i suck at being good. i went to mexico 2 months ago and i have screwed up so many times already. its pretty discouraging really. having a sticking with doing the right thing once i pick up where i left off. i have let the past beat me down a lot. i am so weak when it comes to accpetance, oh and boys. its amazes me...me i mean i never cease to amaze myself. i have "really really really really sincerely liked" about 290420 boys since august and managed to not rely on God with my struggles. its pretty impressive how well i fink things up.
i will take this space up to write bout something good. colbie caillat and onerepublic make me very very vey very happy as well as saving jane's song grace, shane & shane's beg, switchfoot's on fire, and a couple more that have temporarily cancelled out the negative.
i really wish i had my notes with me i would just type about all the stuff i have written about in my journal and stuuuuuuuff. this isnt much of a blog. sorry if anyone reads my blog.
speaking of reading my blog hmmmm kristin my bff anf sister.in.law and the only person who reads my blog (hi kristin love you) (( i did that because she is prolly reading right now)) but anyway she is on a little road trip with some cool peeps fromm GCC. i miss her. moving out is great i can stay up however late i want, be immature but man i miss her. she is so wise and lving. you hear me kristin...youre wise and loyal and encouraging. you know what i found/learned?... encourage means to walk along side which is what you/ kristin do with me and my family and yours....you walk along side us rooting us on to do the right thing letting us know we are very well capable and can do the right thing. thanks
so with kristin being gone i am playing mom with lauren and i gotta say i dont think ill be a good mom but man that little girl is PRECIOUS. yeah she is my niece but seriously she's pretty darn special.
ohhh its friggin 5:53 a.m. if my brother cody was down here in their basement he would shart a brick ad be so mad at me for being on here hahaahh i love him yelling and all.but i think in honor of him ill call it a night a pass the frik out for a lil...

i will catch this blog up very very very soon.