Sunday, November 4, 2007

Happy ONE YEAR Sarah!

i never come up with any great one liners for introductions for these things.

anyway. i have lived her for one full entire year to this date. here comes the cliche and OH SO predictable line...I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S BEEN A YEAR!

but seriously though, i can't wrap my head around all that has happened, all that i've experienced and I WAS THERE FOR ALL OF IT. sometimes i feel like when i tell people about my life its as if im just telling some story. im to the point where the feelings (pain, sadnessm loneliness, fear, anger) i had i dont remember how deep or how intense all of it was. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?!?

man...here i sit at my brothers new house ( their first house - they have been married for ten years and i dont know any other couple that deserves a house -especially as nice as this one) watching these moments flash by- some of them are playing over and over... and over again.

i remember sitting in my saturn inthe parking lot of my dorm at Ball State just drowning in my car due to the amount of tears my body was producing. good lord that day sucked. i didnt even beat around the bush. i came right out and asked Cody if i could come live with them up there.
i really couldnt go on the way i was with school, this one guy (all the guys before him)...just the habits i was developing and the decisions i made had literally dragged me down to my knees. i just didnt want to move on with life if i stayed there. i would have soaked myself up with sex, alcohol, and God only knows what else. i had NO respect for myself- saw no value in me- thought i had absolutely NOTHING to offer and that i would never do well in anything.
some might look at it as running away again, not finishing another thing i started, but the thing is i was running...to God. the only thing that made sense to me in the midst of my chaotic, unruly life was Granger Community Church.

i got plugged into GCC in any way possible. I started with the high school ministry, Lifeline. i had no CLUE what i was getting myself into when participating in that. because of Lifeline, i was able to experience God on a whole other level; priceless irreplaceable friendships, Camp Adventure, Mexico. Those three have had the most impact on my heart.

But even before i got to camp adventure and flew (on a plane for the very first time) to Mexico, i had the opportunity to actually share my story with the entire population of GCC. they did a "my life" series campaigne in march. i was week 3. they chose me. seriously therehad to have been thousands of others with possibly ten times better of a story but they did me.i literally got to tell everyone my life- mistakes, heartache, losing dad, abuse ex, alcohol, my insecurities and why i have them. to this day i still cant believe God blessed me with that chance. it really opened the door to friendships and allowed me to just be myself, no holding back.

oh and MERGE. the college age services every monday. AHHHH how fun. getting to serve together with people my age facing the same struggles, being able to have fun without gettin trashed EVERY night waking up regretting what you did or with whom you did whatever with...or waking up next to someone not remembering if there was anything to regret.

im surrounded by talent. the musicians OH and the vocals of dan, trace, seth, j, leroy, angie, and kim....dustin, jeff, jason,so many people just exploding with beautiful talent. not to mention the abnormalcy of how HUGE the pastors hearts are there, i cant wrap my stupid, small, and so undeveloped brain around it. Dr Bob...he calls us Beloved...BELOVED. Rob Wagner (Bob Saggot :-} ) his excitement when speaking of Jesus and what His Father OUR Father can do and will do for us. Mark Waltz with his unconditional love and strong desire to just hear everyone story. Jason's words of wisdom and internal passion for falling into God face first at SUCH a YOUNG age. you know who is next : R Mark Beeson...i dont think God created words on earth for us simple minded humans to use to describe such excellence. I LOVE THIS MAN. Whew...is it offensive to say that i think if God had another son but of the world (somehow....just go with it) that Mark would have been him? well lets hope its not offensive because i do often think it.

man. Camp.Mexico. Baptism.

i was Baptized September 9, 2007 @ 4:43 p.m. by Mark Beeson and his sensational beautifully made wife, sheila.

there is so much more before being baptized though.

Mexico. man let me tell you. NOTHING CLOSE. i had my feet washed...by COREY MANN.oh did i mention the Mann Clan? NO i didnt? well let me just tell you about them
there once was a mann named corey who fell in love with a woman named debbie. they got married, kissed, and had a beautiful baby girl mann, Chloe. 8 or 9 years later, wife and husband mann kissed again and had a miracle little man, Caleb. These two kids i love with all my heart. And Debbie is one hot sexy momma and i love how real she is, also just how friggin cool she is, easy to talk to, phenomenal mother, wife, and friend to me. did i mention she can cut hair like no otha motha AND wax them eyebrows -- mann there aint nothin she cant do. her husband is my favorite. funniest mann you will ever meet. you just dont meet families where EVERYONE is JUST THAT FRIGGIN' AWESOME. VERY VERY VERY blessed to say "hey i know them."
so anyway, never had my feet washed. corey looked at me right in the eyes and the first thing he said was a question..."and you, what were you doing a year ago?" if only people had known that exactly a year ago on that day, July 26th, i had made a choice with someone and everything had went completely down hill for me and i just KNOW that was God speaking through that mann.
not as if the kids werent enough. gosh those kids. i miss mexico.

i moved out of Cody and Kristin's hair the third week of August to move into a house in South Bend with 5 other God centered lives-- Jerica, Jeanna, Rachel, Suzanna, and Heather. talk about surrounding youself with positive successful people/ friends. this house is unbelievably nice and big! i love it!

i have built up some tremedous relationships with some guys that are very passionate for the Lord. they have helped me in so many ways. helping me see there are good guys that care out there. thanks david, nate, and spence.

i think i might call it a night!


Thank you Abba for alll the unconditional love and patience you have shown me. you truly are the Great I am.


happy one year sarah:-)

3 comments:

Kristin Baker said...

Happy One Year, baby sis! I love you. We are so proud of the giant leaps you've taken in one year . . . no, that was not a joke about your freakishly long legs . . . (cough, You're tall)

Sarah (Koutz) Johnson said...

Happy One Year Sarah! The not-as-cool-half of S Squared can't wait to celebrate with you tomorrow night. I love you so much and I'm so proud of all the steps you are talking. I can't wait to see what happens in another year.

Angie Aquila said...

aww Sar!! yay for you! you're awesome